


How To Not Run A Cafe

by Bass_Line



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game), Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Also inspired by the MM x Hongdae Dungeon collab, Inspired by the Bandori x Hongdae Dungeon collab, This is an absolute trainwreck, Who had the bright idea of Kokoro posing with cutlery, Why did I even do this to begin with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 11:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bass_Line/pseuds/Bass_Line
Summary: This is why I should never do crossovers.





	How To Not Run A Cafe

**Author's Note:**

> As the title implies, this is definitely NOT how a cafe should work and if you actually see this in real life, that place will go under really soon.

"Can someone tell me why am I here?" Yukina asked, looking around in a well-maintained cafe. A few days ago, she received a letter containing an invitation to a newly-opened cafe. From what she could tell, she wasn't the only one receiving the invitation for Aya was with her. "Why I even accepted that invitation is a mystery…"

"Wait, they delivered it to your house? I received mine via the agency…" Aya commented, sending shivers down Yukina's spine. It was a valid question Aya had raised, how did the cafe know where she lived? Yukina was quite sure that she didn't give out her address unnecessarily. "Do you think it's just the two of us?"

"I think-" Before Yukina could finish her sentence, the door opened as indication from the bells hung above. Kokoro and Kasumi entered cheerily, both unaware for the reason for their invitations. "I think the cafe wants to meet with all five leaders."

"Huh? Himari-chan's coming too?" Yukina was confused, and it showed clearly on her face. This was when Aya realised that it wasn't a well-known fact that Himari was actually the leader of Afterglow. "Oh… you meant Ran-chan?"

"Well, yes. Isn't she the one leading Afterglow?"

"Yukina-senpai, Aya-senpai, good morning to you both!" Kasumi greeted energetically, a megawatt smile on her face as she did so. Kokoro followed Kasumi, dropping the honorifics as she greeted her two seniors. "You guys got the invitations too! I can't wait to work together!"

"Toyama-san, does this mean to say that you know what we're doing today?" Yukina asked, it would be helpful if Kasumi really knew. "Also, did they mail it to your house?"

"Yup, they did! Besides, we're in a cafe so…" Yukina paused to think, soon realising what she was invited to do. "Is this all of us?"

"Sorry for the wait~" The door opened once again, revealing a red-haired man and Ran, who was noticeably annoyed. "Right, I'm sure some of you have questions-"

"Yeah, like why am I here when I clearly tore up that letter?!" Ran shot back, jerking her arm away from the man's grip. Yukina and Aya raised both eyebrows, they didn't expect the invitations to simply be a formality. Ran's attention turned to the four other girls, groaning upon noticing Yukina. "You've got to be kidding me, Minato-san's here too?!"

"The feeling isn't mutual Mitake-san."

"Hey now, let's take a moment to chill over some Honey Buddha chips!" The man grinned, pulling out a yellow bag out of nowhere. Kasumi and Kokoro immediately stuffed chips into their mouths once he opened the bag, scaring the remaining three girls with their overly trusting nature. "Haha~! 'Kay, so you girls are wondering what's this cafe right?"

"T-That, and also a lot of other things." Aya was worried that she was going to get kidnapped, but if her agency trusted the man enough to send her… "Who are you?"

"Hm? Ahhh, right right I forgot to introduce myself~ You guys can call me 707, or Seven for short. Or if you guys want, the Defender of Justice!" The man struck a heroic pose, with Kasumi and Kokoro clapping at his introduction. Yukina and Ran were the most disturbed by 707, while Aya was… well, she would definitely rather be at home practicing her selfies. "Anyhoo, this cafe's called Hongdae Dungeon! It's from South Korea, and naturally that means I'm! Dun-dun-dun~! Yes, ol' Seven here's South Korean too~!"

"... So why are the five of us here Seven-san?" Yukina asked, hoping that escaping wasn't a difficult feat. She really should start participating in PE classes at this rate.

"Hm? Uh, Jumin wanted to expand the cafe here first… and then he told me to find workers to start this branch! Oh yeah, as to why you five specifically…" 707 smiled mysteriously, his golden eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "Do you girls really wanna know?"

"Yeah!" Kasumi and Kokoro cheered, with Yukina and Ran refusing with the same intensity. Aya hesitantly nodded, wondering why did Yukina, who was demanding answers, suddenly refusing to hear any? 707 nodded, clapping his hands together.

"It's because you five are chosen to represent the Bandori franchise! So it's kinda like a collab between Hongdae Dungeon, which Jumin bought somehow, and you guys!" He started to explain in greater detail to his enraptured audience, which was basically Kasumi and Kokoro. Yukina and Ran roped Aya into a triangle, concerned looks on their faces.

"Okay, I'm going to come out and say it. This guy's a nutjob." Yukina simply said, declaring what Aya herself had thought but would never say. "Franchise? In the first place, what exactly _is _Bandori? Is he trying to say that we're fictional?"

"Excluding the possible existential crisis he just gave us, I'm more concerned to how he knew where I was prior to coming here. He literally appeared before me, told me that he knew I tore up the letter, and dragged me here! That's creepy on so many levels!" Ran pointed out, shuddering at the memory of being forced to follow him as she was too weak to break free from his hold back then.

"... H-He sent my letter via my agency. How did he know which agency I'm tied to?" Aya audibly gulped, 707 was scaring her further and from the looks of it, none of them could actually refuse him. "I-Is Hongdae Dungeon a legitimate cafe in South Korea or is it just a trap to sell us off to the red light district?"

"It's very legit, and no I'm not selling any of you guys to the red light district or any districts for that matter!" The three girls flinched, turning around only to see 707 directly behind them. "Sheesh, this is why I asked if you girls really wanna know."

"Y-You could've spun some lie instead of making us doubt our existence!" Ran had a point, all three of them felt that it would've been better if 707 just told them a lie that was believable in order to get them to listen to him. "And how did you know where to find me?!"

"That? I'm a hacker, so I can just hack your phones to get your live location." Yukina and Aya stared at their own phones, about to chuck them in 707's direction before making a quick exit out of the cafe. "Whoa there, I assure you that I'm not planning to use your phones for shady stuff!"

"So you admit that you hacked all five of our phones?!"

"Uh… moving on! So, why am I not sugar-coating the reason? See, I'm also from another franchise! If you guys wanna know more 'bout me, just play my route on Mystic Messenger!" 707 explained hastily, glancing at a clock as he did so. "Anyways, we're about to open soon so uh, allocate what you guys wanna do! I'll be cooking in the back!"

"... You tricked four of us and kidnapped me only to tell us to wing it? What exactly is your deal?!" Ran was understandably pissed, she did _not _subject herself to a possible kidnapping only for her to 'wing it' in a cafe which she had no idea what to do. Yukina nodded, though it was more towards the winging part than the trickery.

"It's okay! We just do what people in cafes do!" Kasumi interjected, still not finding their current situation worrying. Kokoro nodded eagerly, also not worried about their current situation. Though, she had bodyguards to ensure that she didn't came to harm. "Uh… so what do people in cafes do?"

"I know Kasumi, they eat delicious food!"

"Tsurumaki-san, that's the customers. We're working as waitresses now." Yukina shook her head, not the least bit confident in her organisational skills which was needed to ensure that the cafe was still intact by the time they could close up. She regretted not appreciating Sayo more, not only did she ensure everything was in order whenever they held lives, she ensured that finances were all in order. "Like what the term indicates, we wait on people. Of course, some of us need to handle the cash and clean the tables once customers are done."

"I'm going to just touch the money and not interact with people." Ran declared, making her way to the machine without sparing the rest a second glance. Yukina shrugged, she never wanted to calculate the bills anyways. All the more reason to appreciate Sayo.

"Ooh! I wanna try cleaning tables! And give out the shiny knives!" Kokoro eagerly raised her hand, which raised concerns among Aya and Yukina. Kasumi agreed with Kokoro's decision while 707, either because he didn't know how Kokoro was like or because he felt safer working in the kitchen, agreed readily.

"... You will give out other cutlery _besides_ knives right?" Knowing Kokoro, she might actually forget to ensure every table had all the cutlery needed. Kokoro nodded, not reassuring Yukina at all. "... Right. Toyama-san, Maruyama-san, what do you wish to do?"

"Hmm… You choose first!" Kasumi replied, the thought of her working as a waitress was enough to excite her, she didn't care what role she had to do.

"What Kasumi-chan said!" At this point, Aya knew better than to kick up a fuss. Besides, 707 didn't seem to harbour any ill intent towards them… plus she did a quick internet search and true to his words, he existed in an app called 'Mystic Messenger'. Yukina sighed, reluctantly giving in.

"Fine, I'll help Seven-san in the kitchen then."

"Uh on second thought Yukina-senpai, Aya-senpai will help Seven-san with the cooking while we wait on people!" Kasumi hurriedly interjected, well aware that Yukina's culinary skill wasn't even good enough to boil an egg.

"I-I will?" Aya was actually hoping to serve the customers, but the rare troubled look on Kasumi's face was enough to get her to play along. "A-Ah, I would like to help Seven-san!"

"... I'm not going to even question Toyama-san." Yukina grumbled, sullenly making her way to the entrance where the menus were located. "Toyama-san, you'll be in charge of welcoming the customers."

"Haa~ safe..."

* * *

Things… had _not_ been going well in the cafe. It had been three hours since the cafe opened for business, and there were so many issues that made 707 glad that he decided to stay in the kitchen to cook. Even then, he still had to deal with Aya, who kept dropping the food due to her clumsiness.

"Tsurumaki-san, table 21's free!" Yukina yelled to Kokoro, who was too far from said table to clean it as she was taking down orders herself. So what did she do? Why, she threw the cutlery she was supposed to prepare for table 21 from where she was. The customers around said table nearly fainted, they weren't expecting gleaming knives to fly past them as they had their meals. "Tsurumaki-san, how many times do I have to tell you to not throw cutlery at tables?!"

"Ehhhhh? But it's so far! Besides, I did prepare forks and spoons this time!" Kokoro replied, brandishing more knives to Yukina, who shook her head in disapproval. "Anyways, what next?"

"Clean the table and remove the cutlery from it." Yukina sighed, going back to the customers she was supposed to be taking orders from. "I'm sorry, please repeat your orders again."

"I'll have the grilled lamb chop without green beans and extra mayo on the side plus ketchup for the fries and also…" The customer said, with Yukina frantically writing down whatever she managed to catch. She sorely regretted not being diligent enough with her note taking during lessons, she never expected to apply such skill in her current job. "... Oh and I want to-"

"You will have the lunch special and melon soda." Yukina gave up jotting down the customer's orders, instead choosing what she wanted to list down for his order.

"No I said-"

"Lunch special and melon soda."

"Listen to-"

"No, _you_ listen. You _will_ have the lunch special and melon soda and I _expect_ you to fucking like it. If you have an issue, you can get the hell out of this cafe because I'm _not _here to fucking treat you like some king. You want to be treated like one, go find a Burger King outlet." Yukina huffed, fed up with the customer's attitude towards her. Sure, she was technically supposed to serve what _he_ ordered, but it wasn't as if she was a willing party here. The customer groaned, crossing his arms defiantly as he alternated glances between Yukina and the table. "Excellent. Your order will be ready in at least 20 minutes."

"At least 20?! What kind of cafe is this?!"

"Like I said, you can always get the fuck out of here and find a fast food restaurant. As the term implies, the food will be served _fast_." Yukina coolly replied, her golden eyes glaring daggers at the customer before her. The customer grumbled, sinking into his chair as he waved Yukina away. Yukina entered the kitchen, clipping the order to a wire hanging above the kitchen counter. 707 and Aya were busy preparing the food, with quantity clearly over quality. "... Just because this cafe's a sinking ship doesn't mean that you two should speed up the process."

"I regret not building robots to help me cook!" 707 whined as he flipped a hamburger patty with his right hand while seasoning a bowl of bolognese pasta with his left. Aya assisted him to the best of her ability, though it was mostly menial tasks like cleaning the crockery. "Yukina, bring the food on your left out! The table numbers are listed beside them!"

"How am I supposed to carry all that?!" From outside, Ran could hear Yukina complaining about what she had to do. She agreed with Roselia's vocalist that the cafe was a _terrible_ idea, they were severely understaffed. Even with Kasumi's and Kokoro's speed, they weren't able to keep up with the customer volume. Especially Ran, since she was the cashier.

"Here's your change." Ran said as she handed the customer a number of coins and the receipt, the latter giving her a questioning look. "What?"

"You gave me the wrong amount." Ran groaned, snatching the receipt from the customer. It was revealed that not only had she inputted the wrong amount into the machine, she forgot to add in the goods tax.

_'This is why we need to pass Maths huh? Urgh, I really should get Moca to tutor me some time soon…' _Ran thought to herself as she inputted a series of numbers into the machine, soon giving the customer a different amount of change. "Here's your change, sorry for my mistake."

"Um… it's still wrong." Ran wanted to scream in frustration, here she was wasting her Saturday on helping a creepy hacker run a sketchy cafe. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Yukina serving some customers their orders as well as a few choice words for those that annoyed her. Ran decided that if she was already in trouble, she might as well get into further trouble.

"I really couldn't care less, now move aside." Ran managed to shove the customer aside, assisting the next customer. "Okay, gimme your receipt and get the fuck outta here when I give you your change."

"... This isn't what I had in mind when I said that I wanna help." Kasumi commented, appearing beside Ran as the latter slammed her fists onto the machine. "Ran-chan, you punched in the wrong numbers! Oh, and you tallied it wrong too."

"Look, I failed Maths okay?! I'm not Moca who has experience doing this shit!" Ran was… probably on the verge of a breakdown, she didn't expect customer service to be _this_ hard. She now had newfound respect towards Moca while she was working, and Tsugumi since she had to help out with her family's cafe. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the entrance?"

"Oh, I let Kokoro handle it! Watch!" Kasumi gestured to Kokoro, who was scaring away potential customers by waving about the knives in her hands. Ran didn't know who thought that it was a good idea to let Kokoro handle knives, but at that point, she was too stressed to care. "Kokoro! Wanna do that trick where you throw knives at tables?"

"Oh god, this is an absolute disaster…" Ran sighed to herself, throwing 500 yen to every customer that wanted to pay their bills regardless of what they ordered, she figured that 707 wouldn't mind if the cafe lost more money than it earnt. _'At least we have nice uniforms, it makes failing slightly better.'_

* * *

"You know Imai-san, when you said that you wanted to visit a new cafe and Minato-san was too busy to accompany you… you didn't mention that you wanted to see her work." Sayo commented, gasping as a knife flew past her, hitting the table behind her. Lisa shook her head, genuinely not knowing that Yukina would be working at the cafe they were at. All she knew was that Yukina had cancelled their plans to watch a movie at the last minute, Lisa didn't even know _why_. "... Minato-san's terrible at her job."

"I've no idea whether to find her forcing orders on customers funny or not." Lisa remarked as they both witnessed Yukina declaring to a couple what she wanted their orders to be, her commanding tone not allowing either of them to object. "Actually, how is this place still running? Kokoro basically threw a knife to indicate which is our table!"

"And Mitake-san's throwing coins at customers waiting to pay their bills." Sayo nodded, commenting on Ran's strategy as a cashier. For some reason, no one seemed to be complaining about it. Yukina soon approached their table, hagged from serving all day. "Minato-san, you look like you've aged by 30 years."

"Very funny. Now, order something that I can jot down fast." Yukina replied, holding up her notepad. Lisa and Sayo nodded, both ordering only ordering drinks out of pity for their friend. "That's all? I was expecting…"

"That's okay, we ate beforehand! Take a break whenever you can Yukina, you really need it." Lisa said out of concern for her best friend, with Yukina nodding gratefully. She soon made her way into the kitchen, where high pitched screams could be heard. "... That's not Yukina right?"

"Ahhhhhh! Aya, I told you to cook the octopus! Why is it still moving?!"

"I-I threw it into the oven and set it to the highest temperature! I-I don't know why is it still alive!"

"Ehhhhhh?! We've a zombie octopus in the kitchen?! This isn't what I signed up for when Jumin told me to do this!"

"Kyaaaaaaa! Seven-san, do something! You're the defender of justice or something right?!"

"... Apparently it's Maruyama-san and some man…" Sayo replied, pitying the people in the kitchen as more screams could be heard, with 'oh god Yukina throw that sucker into the pot' being the loudest. "How is this place even allowed to be open for business…?"

"Ah! Lisa-senpai and Sayo-senpai~!" The two girls turned their head to the source, which was Kasumi running towards them. They were surprised to see Kasumi looking calm as compared to the chaos unfurling almost everywhere, especially the kitchen. "You guys here to see Yukina-senpai?"

"Um, no but she did take our orders. Kasumi, why's this place so… chaotic?"

"Dunno, you should've seen this place during lunch time! Anyways, I'm going into the kitchen to help Aya-senpai and Seven-san! See ya!" Kasumi grinned, dashing into the kitchen. A little later, smoke wafted out of the kitchen while Yukina staggered out with two drinks.

"Here. Also, ignore the screams of a zombie octopus while Toyama-san's burning it to death." Yukina shrugged, patting out a small fire on the top of her head. "I hope my hair grows back, I'm too young to go bald."

"You guys are _seriously _understaffed." Lisa pointed out, to which both Yukina and Sayo agreed. "Why are you guys doing this? Who's even in charge of this place?!"

"That might be Seven-san, and there's a long explanation to why the five of us are here."

"Yukina! Zombie octopus heading your way!" 707 yelled from the kitchen, alerting Yukina of a large disfigured octopus crawling its way to the waitress. "When I get back, I'm gonna lie in bed eating nothing but Honey Buddha chips and PhD Pepper!"

"And I'm never going to work here again." Yukina muttered, now facing Kokoro. "Tsurumaki-san, serve knives to this octopus here!"

"I'm so glad that we didn't actually have lunch beforehand." Sayo muttered as Kokoro brutally threw knives at said octopus, eventually killing it nine knives later. "... I don't think I can see octopi the same way ever again."

* * *

"Well done! Now I can report back to Jumin with evidence to why I shouldn't be in charge of this again!" It was 5.30 pm, and 707 decided that the cafe should officially close for both the girls' sanity as well as his. "Today has gotta be worse than my life, and I'm programmed with a super sad backstory too!"

"I'm just glad that this charade of a cafe's over, which idiot decided that the five of us made suitable poster girls for this cafe?" Ran sighed, flopping into a chair as she kicked the octopus corpse aside. Yukina and Aya groaned in their seats, while Kasumi and Kokoro looked visibly disappointed that their time as waitresses ended.

"Awww, I felt that I barely did anything!" Kasumi whined, she felt that compared to her friends, she didn't get enough action. "At least you guys saw cool things on the job!"

"K-Kasumi-chan, didn't you set fire to the octopus? Was that not cool enough for you?"

"Yeah, but Ran-chan threw money at customers! That was pretty badass!"

"You did _what_?!" Seven facepalmed, this was why he was against recruiting the five poster girls of Bandori to help with the cafe. Unfortunately, Jumin's decision was final and not even Jaehee could change her boss's mind. "Why did you- gah!"

"First of all, I only threw 500 yen at the customers." Ran shrugged, there are lots of bills left in the machine, so she figured that they raked in a huge profit. "Second of all Kasumi, didn't you criticise my method just now?"

"... I mean… it looked kinda cool after a while?"

"I had fun showing customers to their tables!" Kokoro commented, holding up a knife. "They're so shiny too! I love shiny things!"

"What are you, a bird?" Yukina countered, glancing at the numerous holes the cutlery made whenever they were being thrown. "Besides, you didn't even show them to their tables. All you did was to throw stuff around."

"At their assigned tables!"

"That doesn't make it any better Tsurumaki-san." Yukina shook her head, her attention on Aya now. "Maruyama-san, why didn't you ask if you can be a cashier anyways?"

"Huh? Ran-chan took that role didn't she?"

"I mean _after _all of us discovered that she was shit at it." Ran glared at Yukina, who didn't regret saying that in the slightest. "What? I'm just saying that you're horrible at it."

"Like you could do any better."

"That I agree, I can foresee myself throwing the machine at a customer."

"Oooooookay! Enough with the borderline murder thoughts! Don't you guys wanna know how much you guys are getting paid?" 707 asked, receiving unexpected reactions from all five girls. "What's with those looks?"

"We're getting paid?!" Both Yukina and Ran asked, glaring at each other afterwards. "Stop copying me!"

"Uh, yeah? What, you guys thought it's just 'for the experience'?" 707 made quotation marks for the last part, making a jab at companies who refused to pay interns and instead promised them experience.

"No offence Seven-san… but after hearing how you kidnapped Ran-chan, I really wasn't expecting anything from this…" Aya explained, ignoring the scuffle between Yukina and Ran. Kasumi nodded, though knowing her, she didn't mind if all she truly got was experience as a waitress. Kokoro simply tilted her head, as though she was unable to process Aya's explanation.

"Wait, we get paid for doing jobs? Wow! What an innovation!" Even Yukina and Ran stopped fighting the moment they heard what Kokoro said, with none of them unable to believe that Kokoro was _that _sheltered. "What are we getting paid with? Food?"

"... I… I'm just gonna leave your cheques on the counter while I go back to where I come from." 707 muttered as he slunk away, sending messages in the RFA messenger about how he would never help Jumin again. _'I should trick Yoosung into doing this the next time Jumin asks, should be able to lure him in with _girls…'__


End file.
